In the Gut.

You know how you feel butterflies in your tummy when excited or nervous? I really think believing in your "gut" feeling is the survival tool Mother Nature has given us.

I thought about this with a bit of self-reflection. Because I ignored mine in regards to this.

As my computer shut-down from some killer virus, then got an alert my blog account was attempted to get hacked, my domain account got changed without my knowledge and only one person had access to it- it dawned on me like a sack of potatoes- I should have listened to my "gut" !!!

I knew who this was.

I will refer to this person as the "Hare". No matter how good he sounded, I did not like the dude. I did like some parts about him but not the whole package. I liked that he was tenacious. But the downfall with him was he did not know how to listen. Hare was so rigid.  And like many of us, he liked to pretend to be good. I see this more in women usually but he could not say what he wanted because he was so puritanical! He could not stand anything that might taint his "good" image. Unfortunately this causes trauma to the personality because you can't honestly speak what you want- you are always frustrated.

It is a balance to have focus working and be flexible. But Hare was rigid and older than most of us, he was stubborn with a sense of know-it-all. But anyone with real education knows the more you know, the more you don't know. As you get older, you listen more!

Anyway, after he got his Shodan, he immediately traveled overseas. He was treated well and it got to his head, all of a sudden his attitude changed  from a techy to "rep". Some tasks were delegated but who knew? Had I known he was suffering from sociopathy, I would have ignored him!

His cover soon blew over and little monster in him spilled out. To me, it was more like a male version of menopausal symptoms but people really tried to help this fella. He started to terrorize responsible people, searching through internet, like community sites, to count off member's in uploaded photo's which he believed was hidden from him!

 Another senior Shihan tried to speak to him about his attitude but nothing got thru to him because he was marching to his own imaginary band. Then he went on to challenge others, when there was nothing to really argue about! I guess the big problem with him was, he believed he was smart.

The mental dialogue we have is so important and watching this elder man freak out was just so strange to us.  To top this off, he was infringing software rights and now it is a big ol'mess with the owner.  I tip toed out of his circumference asap. One must learn to rid of negative thinkers. They pollute even the good workers.

Soon enough, he stepped over the boundary and hung himself. And that was that.... but because I also tried to like the dude, which was my mistake, I earlier on gave him my account information to manage the website. A big mistake really. Now not only is he taken hostage of the site, the virus and hacking to my personal email account happened! A good price for an education.... never trust someone that says they can be trusted! Better knowing now than never.

Stepping back from him and looking into the life the Hare had,  I listed off what may attribute to his behavior. He is a man in his mid-life crisis stage, he was fired from his former job and can't land another, his spouse supports him which is never good (I guess) from a male stand point and it does not seem he had real accomplishments that he earned on his own. Even his grading was taken easy b/c of his age- and he asked for it to be so. That should have told us about his character and it turned out even this software system was not his!

All he has is to sit in front of his computer. Having ample time in his hands, he's taken hostage of the materials which belonged to us. He now has the audacity to ask for "his pay" in return for our material. The man is unbelievable. Then again, the software owner was his teacher so I should not be surprised by his behavior.

 It is a lesson- we must listen to our gut-feeling. Ignoring it is, in some sense a severe form of self-neglect. No wonder I ended having this guy.

Evaluating the quality of your team is never easy-  it is an ongoing process. At some point, you have to get rid of your weakest link. Weakest is the one least loyal because they don't have the capacity to care about anyone, even themselves in a truthful way.

Crash.

My computer crashed..... !

My Name.

People has been asking me number of questions regarding my name... so here is the quick answer.

One of them is, "Is Kuristina your real name?".

The answer is yes. My father chose the name "Christina" (there was Margaret, Daisy,Caroline.... ) when I was enrolled in Catholic elementary school. Long ago, it was not easy to enroll your kids to International or any English speaking school. You either had to be an expatriate working in Japan or had jobs for a foreign company to get the recommendation needed. My father, being the genius he was, decided we be "baptized" so we can enroll in Catholic school here- where all classes are taught in English.

The spelling "Kuristina" came about when I moved to New York. When I got accepted in my high school  (RLS) my creative sister decided, accidentally- on- purpose, to misspell my name. Her reason was since I did not go to church and did not represent Christ (lol) it should be severed from religious connotations. The change though, made me more comfortable with my own name.

So this is the story of my name and the spelling (^;^)/.

A year in review... Good bye 2010 and Hello 2011.

Work:  Started new job's... yes plural... one is very white-collar and those who know me well knows I am not a corporate person. The recession here hit hard too and my other work as a writer/ translator got moved around a bit b/c the magazine companies either got shut down or bought out.

Health: I have been feeling really run down so one major shift I did was to adopt raw food diet. It worked really well here during spring and summer but I had to wean off it during cold seasons, like now. It chilled my body too much to do raw with all meals. Not to mention my family started to complain they felt like farmed animals, grazing on greens. lol.

My Aunty had been in and out of the hospital this year too. I made her some soup whenever I visited her. She is a strong, strong woman.... she fell and hit her arm and her leg- fracturing in two parts. She went thru operation and rehabilitation like a trooper! She is over 80 and recover almost perfectly. Makes me realize how important balanced diet is. She does not drink or smoke and eats everything in moderation.

Laptop: I am in midst of saving to switch to another computer this year- at the moment the consciousness of my poor apple is sporadic- this affects my work at home too. I am debating whether to go back to Windows or stick with my Apple... 

Photo's: I took many pictures and some video's but had not found the time to edit them!!! So it will be something I will do in 2011.... 

I am just glad I made it thru 2010. I feel it cleaned off many unnecessary ties with people who were not meant to be so helpful in our life. When there is an opening, another will come.... (^^) 

Random Photo's.... (^^)

Hello Everyone, 

I do not share much of my other activities here but since this is not just a blog for Kyokushin, I would like to start by sharing some random picture's from 2010. 

The small bowl above is called "Makkori" a traditional Korean sake. Sweeter version of Japanese one so by the time you feel tipsy, usually you are already drunk. This was a home made one at my Japanese uncle's restaurants.  

This is my aunty- my mother's sister. She is amazing really for her age. Can you believe she is in her 80's? 

As naughty as any preteen can be, our son is being prepared for the buzz. 

More to come.... soon...